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  1. Good (Fucking) Tips

    I’ve followed Fucking Homepage for a while. I like everything about it. The attitude. The consistency. The actually useful links. The daily photo. The only problem: it’s set to hit my dashboard at 2:00 AM. I scan it when I wake up in the three minutes after my last snooze and before I haul ass to the shower because I spent ten extra minutes in bed. That means I rarely get to investigate and explore all of its links and content as much as I’d like. But there’s one section that’s linkless, that I always see, and that usually frames my morning in a different way than I would if I hadn’t read it (because I fucking hate mornings). It’s the Tip of the Fucking Day.

    I’m currently in a long run of bad days. Not awful. Not deathly. Just bad. The kind of bad you have when there’s (yet another) impending court date over parenting time and custody. Lingering bad. Wake-up-and-prepare-for-the-bad bad. Anyway, today’s tip instantly improved things for whatever reason, so I went back over the last 50 days to check out those tips, too. If you like them, dig through the archives on the homepage. There are more than 850 available. That’s 850 bad days made slightly fucking better.

    Tips on Relationships

    Compliment people randomly but genuinely.

    Be someone who others look forward to seeing tomorrow.

    Be comfortable with yourself and others will be comfortable with you.

    Anger is never the answer. Logic always wins.

    People who try to bring you down are already below you.

    There is never a good reason to be mean. If they deserve it, you’re better off walking away.

    When a good person does something bad, they own up to it.

    No one can make you angry or upset without your consent.

    Don’t reject new relationships because old ones didn’t work.

    Don’t lie to anyone you care about.

    Always try to see things from the other person’s perspective.

    People like polite people.

    Tips on Health

    Take care of your body. It’s the only one you have. 

    If you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will.

    What you eat will affect how you feel.

    The easiest way to eat well is to cook your own food with real ingredients.

    If you want to change unhealthy habits, do it gradually. Don’t overwhelm yourself. 

    Exercise and investing are hobbies that will pay off in the long run.

    Tips on Opportunity

    Nobody will just give you what you want. You have to get up and go get it yourself.

    Just saying hello can lead to a million things.

    Effort is the most important attribute.

    There is never a perfect time for anything. If you want something and have the means, do it.

    You will never regret getting things done ahead of schedule.

    Don’t find excuses to ignore opportunity.

    Never do tomorrow what you were supposed to do yesterday.

    Tips for Better Awareness

    A mistake made once is just a lesson.

    Be frugal, but don’t be a cheapskate.

    You will never be really good at something unless you practice a lot. 

    Those ten extra minutes in bed never make you less tired. They just make you late. 

    Your environment shapes you. If you want to change, put yourself in a new situation. 

    Avoid “zero” days. Do at least one thing productive every day.

    A green light doesn’t mean it is safe to go. It just means it’s legal.

    Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.

    Always walk as if you have somewhere you have to be.

    Don’t pretend to be knowledgeable of things you know nothing about.

    Always ask before you touch someone’s pet.

  2. On the train leaving Chicago, currently middle of the fifth at the time of posting.

    thisistheglamorous:

    "Are you mad?"
    “I’m not mad at all, sweetie.”
    “I’m sorry I threw up.”
    “Don’t worry. We’ll get you to bed and get you all better.”
    “I’m sorry, Daddy.”
    [Cubs tickets for tonight’s game in his hand.] “Nothing to worry about at all.”

  3. donrickles:

    Richard Pryor’s television debut.

    (via stand-up-comic-gifs)

  4. As an old white guy who hung up his wedding weekends long ago, I was unaware of “Let’s Get Married,” a song that’s apparently in heavy rotation in today’s wedding receptions. After an office wedding shower over lunch, one of my younger coworkers sent a YouTube link so that I could familiarize myself with the musical stylings of one fresh, clean and bespectacled Jagged Edge. I have to admit: I’m not a big fan. That said, however, I’m glad Mr. Edge and the Right Reverend Run have teamed up with Teva Pharmaceuticals to ensure that the matrimonial ceremonies they’re celebrating aren’t happening as a result of a father brandishing a shotgun. 

    As an old white guy who hung up his wedding weekends long ago, I was unaware of “Let’s Get Married,” a song that’s apparently in heavy rotation in today’s wedding receptions. After an office wedding shower over lunch, one of my younger coworkers sent a YouTube link so that I could familiarize myself with the musical stylings of one fresh, clean and bespectacled Jagged Edge. I have to admit: I’m not a big fan. That said, however, I’m glad Mr. Edge and the Right Reverend Run have teamed up with Teva Pharmaceuticals to ensure that the matrimonial ceremonies they’re celebrating aren’t happening as a result of a father brandishing a shotgun. 

  5. Anonymous wrote...

    I miss you!

    Thank you. I miss me, too. Let me know if you ever find me, so that I can stop gluing my face to the side of milk cartons.

  6. ☛ Real Artists Have Day Jobs

    This is for my daughters. I know one of them reads my Tumblr sometimes.

    [Note to Parents of Non-Teenagers: Suck on that thought for a while, because it’s coming. They want to know the real you, not just the dad or mom you. So they’re going to find your shit. Go ahead and start that “other Tumblr.” They’ll find that shit, too. Hope you’re cool with that. If not, you better start deleting those pictures of you taking bong hits in fishnet stockings—especially if they call you “Dad.”]

    Anyway, this is for you, Ms. Kid Who Reads My Shit. Force your sister to read it, too. 

    sarabenincasa:

    Have you ever dreamt of being a real artist?

    Have you ever wondered what it would be like to call yourself a real painter, or a real writer, or a real actress, or a real musician?

    Have you ever described yourself as someone who does something amazing and magical and wonderful and…

  7. I reckon what I’m talking about is…the middle part of life. A large part is a grinding affair—working away, having a family, making the whole thing happen. And at the end of it, most people are pretty worn out. They don’t believe in God. They don’t believe in anything beyond this ephemeral existence that we’re in now. Their attitudes are cynical. They’re what we in America call ‘assholes.’ And I was one of them…

    …It occurred to me one time when I was driving to work—and I had a lot of reports to dictate that day—that I was still shoveling shit, which had been the way I started my life on the dairy farm. When I looked back on it, I thought: ‘This is the most absurd, stupid way to go through a life that a person could ever dream up.’ But we’re all being pushed on to do this.

    And then I had the opportunity to stop.

    …Why don’t I just cash it in and start a whole new life? Like, be another person. Reinvent myself. I don’t have to be a doctor to the last minute and keel off into the oblivion that way.

    Slomo (formerly neurosurgeon Dr. John Kitcin)
  8. eoporto:

One stop shopping.

Nailed it. Then nailed it.

    eoporto:

    One stop shopping.

    Nailed it. Then nailed it.

  9. Your life has thus far been defined by idiots.
  10. I wasn’t a truly genuine trail ultrarunner until March 7, 1992 at the
    Wild Oak 50 near Harrisonburg, Virginia. It was a rainy day and
    simultaneously, while I was piddling on the run, chewing on an energy
    bar and washing it down with Mountain Dew, my nose was dripping and I farted. That was the ultimate defining moment in my trail running career, if not my entire life.
    Bob Boeder, 1994 Grand Slam of Ultrarunning Finisher 
  11. I think I’m having a very good day. I think. Maybe not. Either way, appropriate.

    I think I’m having a very good day. I think. Maybe not. Either way, appropriate.

    (via stuffparty)

  12. thisistheglamorous:

    Click it. Trust me.

  13. Everybody is somebody else’s monster.
  14. ☛ 18 Struggles Only Over-Thinkers Will Understand

    inmi:

    Well. At least I don’t do number 18.

    FFS