January 2012
10 posts
I HAVE FOUND IT!
eclaggs:
I have discovered the breaking point. The point at which I fail. Loudly.
How in the mother-effing hell do single, full-time working parents keep up with the homework and studying of two children - one of which is ADHD and anxiety-riddled?
There is not enough time in the day to get home, fix dinner, get 2 kids-worth of homework done, take showers and then sit to study for tests on...
C&C Writing Company
I’m opening a business. It’s the worst business model in history, and I never expect to make a penny from the endeavor. But if anyone had the potential to make a living from this business, I assure you it would be me.
C&C Writing Company is a highly specialized service for the very wealthy and incredibly vindictive. It’s simple, really. If you’re going through a divorce or are just dealing...
9 tags
So I made a new thing. You can find it at Only Samuel L. Jackson.
The basic question behind it: How would the history of cinema be affected if Samuel L. Jackson were the only actor to have ever lived?
Dumb? Maybe. But it keeps me typing.
When Samuel Met Sally
Samuel L. Jackson: There are two kinds of women: high fucking maintenance and low maintenance.
Sally Albright: Which one am I?
Samuel L. Jackson: Oh, you're the worst motherfucking kind. You're high maintenance, but you think you're fucking low maintenance.
Sally Albright: I don't see that.
Samuel L. Jackson: You don't fucking see that? "Waiter. I'll begin with a house salad, but I don't want the regular dressing. I'll have the balsalmic vinegar and oil. But on the side. And then the salmon with the mustard sauce. But I want the mustard on the side." 'On the side' is a very big fucking thing for you.
Sally Albright: Well, I just want it the way I want it.
Samuel L. Jackson: I know. High motherfucking maintenance.
When is everyone going to follow iOS and make a double-clicked space bar add a period?
This would take care of two problems:
Typing a period (which I’ll admit isn’t really a problem, but is convenient).
People who insist on double-spacing after a period.
Don’t care about #1? See #2.
Can this be a part of HTML17 or whatever we’re up to now? How about Web 3.14? Tumblr...
thisistheglamorous:
daviditsyourfather:
...
December 2011
9 posts
Quick Reference: When Should You Stop Taking...
If you can’t taste it, take it again tomorrow night.
If you can taste it, congratulations. Tonight was your last night.
(If you can taste it and still want to drink it tomorrow night, don’t forget that the judge made it a condition of your probation that you stay at least 100 yards away from my weblog, Lil Wayne.)
9 tags
Jezanthapuss
I can’t sleep, and it has a grand total of zero results on Google, so I’m rectifying that. “Jesanthapuss” isn’t represented, either. Hopefully, that gets indexed, too. “Jezanthepuss” gets one hit, and I’d really like to avoid any debate about which vowel is representing the schwa, so that guy gets a free pass.
“Jesanthapus,” on the other...
Thing I just remembered about my run this morning: I got passed by a guy on a bike. He had a cat on a leash. The cat was riding on his shoulders. It stared at me until they both disappeared around a corner.
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everythinginthesky:
taucher replied to your link: Godisamanc’s Blog: I’ve just stopped a guy from jumping off Cheadle Bridge onto the M60 Motorway
Wow. Almost in tears.
Me too. In case you missed it earlier today, this is an amazing account of a man stopping a kid from jumping off a bridge.
November 2011
13 posts
Watchbigstarstory:
The first official teaser for the upcoming feature documentary about the massive critical acclaim, dismal commercial failure and enduring legacy of pop music’s greatest cult phenomenon, Big Star. For more information, please contact: info@bigstarstory.com.
WatchMy girls were with their mom last week. They’ll be with her for Thanksgiving this week, as well. This is also my last week at a job where I spent 22% of my life and where I still have a big project left to complete before leaving, so that I don’t fuck over any of my coworkers. And in a couple of days, I leave for a few thousand miles of travel.
Which is all to say I can’t...
Do What You Feel: 2012 Tour Dates and Honolulu... →
Craig Finn is the front man for the Hold Steady and LFTR PLLR. He has a Tumblr where he posted great photos when he was recording this summer in Austin. His album’s coming out soon, and he’s supporting it with a nice round of small-ish venues in some pretty great Midwestern, Southern and Coastal towns. (Click the “steadycraig” link below for full tour dates, although I left...
3 tags
Season 2 Premier: SPACE SLEEP
selectedjerks:
[ Direct Download ] [ iTunes ]
The Selected Jerks emerge from a cryogenic slumber to drop science on fast food etiquette, Korean fashion, and whippin’ it out. BONUS: We enjoy and re-tell a story from friend of the show ivegotzooms.
Broken glass, picking it up after the breakdown, dropping the needle. Season two is upon us.
We’re on Twitter. We’re on the emails at jerks at...
I just went in search of my Social Security Card.
Instead, I found the artifacts of a failed marriage, an evolved relationship, the growth and maturation of two kids, a dozen distant friendships, numerous consequential music and sporting events, a life-changing hospital stay and a couple of years worth of racing bibs.
I get the feeling that my new employer will find all of this insufficient in...
Adventures with a Sociopath, Part II
Several weeks ago, my ex-wife informed me that she didn’t have enough money to get our girls new phones (both of their phones were busted and unusable). She was also unable to keep them on her phone plan due to the overwhelming expense and was going to drop their numbers if I didn’t pick them up on my plan. Instead of upgrading my own broken piece of shit, I bought them new phones and...
Texts with a Teenager and a Sociopath, Part I
Kid One (who is having a bad week): Today...movie and dinner with [friend] and a sleepover :)
Me (while getting ready to leave for her soccer game): Cool. You're still going to soccer, right?
Kid One: ...?
Me: Indoor game? At 5:00? Yes?
Kid One: Im guessing no? Ummm...idk...Im nt sure mom even knows i have a game :o
Me: I have you playing [team] at [place]. I'll ask Mom. Don't worry about it.
Kid One: Shes on her way to the store.
Me: I'll text her. She can let me know or not. You just worry about having fun!
Kid One: Ok :)
Me (to ex-wife): Is [Kid One] going to her game tonight?
Ex-wife (ten minutes later): [Kid One] has a stomache [sic] ache and headache and will not be playing tonight. I apologize for the late notice.
Me: Okay. But you might want to let her know she doesn't feel well. I don't think she realizes it.
1 tag
cocktailstraw replied to your video: Song made entirely of Mike Tyson quotes that will…
This is so interesting to me. Oddly, I find that it is easy to not think about Mike Tyson and imagine that some band just wrote this - which is, at once, hysterical and disturbing.
If there was a Venn diagram of hysterical and disturbing, the thought of someone randomly writing this song would be dead...
“I don’t mind that Kim Kardashian got married. If gay people can get married,...”
– Rob Delaney is suing Kim Kardashian for what he believes to be a nuptial sham. (His reasoning is logically — if not legally — sound.) That said, I could care less about his take on the possible Kardashian ruse. That paragraph was the first written paragraph to make me laugh for the first...
October 2011
6 posts
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cocktailstraw replied to your photoset: What I Did for My Summer Vacation (That Lasted…
Can you tell us about your tattoo? Cool post.
The tattoo. Bare with me. This is pretty TL/DR, so let me put a line break in here for those of you who could give a shit.
I’m not sure when I developed an affinity for the ampersand. I haven’t always loved it, but I don’t remember...
Watchalwaysscomingbackhometoyou:
“I was born deaf and 8 weeks ago I received a hearing implant. This is the video of them turning it on and me hearing myself for the first time :) ”
sloanchurman
September 2011
10 posts
Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
One. Fucking. Space. After. A. Period.
Just. Like. Fucking. This.
One.
Fuck.
2 tags
alisonagosti:
Fink - Walking in the Sun
...
I wish it wasn’t tomorrow already, because I didn’t get the chance to tell today to go fuck itself.
“Way Down in the Hole” — Tom Waits...
12 tags
The Kid Should See This →
I don’t remember who first reblogged this site, so I can’t attribute it to anyone specifically. But if you have kids and you’re not following The Kid Should See This, you’re missing a lot of awesome shared time. I know no one here watches video. Again: if you have kids, you should.
For instance, the video below of the skies/clouds of San Francisco timelapsed. Or the video...
1 tag
August 2011
8 posts
Bill Hicks: Principles of Comedy
1. If you can be yourself on stage nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered.
2. The act is something you fall back on if you can’t think of anything else to say.
3. Only do what you think is funny, never just what you think they will like, even though it’s not that funny to you.
4. Never ask them is this funny – you tell them this is funny.
5. You are not married to...